Perimenopause and Friendships: When Relationships Shift and What to Do
Perimenopause often changes friendships in unexpected ways. Some grow closer, others drift. Here is how to navigate the shift with honesty and care.
Why Friendships Feel Different During Perimenopause
Perimenopause is a time of significant internal change, and that change has a habit of revealing which relationships are genuinely sustaining and which have been running on habit or obligation. Women in perimenopause often report a reduced tolerance for superficial socialising and a growing need for honesty and reciprocity in friendships. This is not misanthropy. It is often a clarification of values that happens naturally when your energy becomes more limited and you start thinking carefully about where it goes.
The Friends Who Get It and the Friends Who Do Not
Not all friendships survive the perimenopause years unchanged. Women who are ahead of you in the transition can be invaluable, they have context, lived experience, and practical knowledge. Friends who have not reached this stage may not understand why you are struggling, or may minimise what you are going through. This is rarely malicious. It is simply a gap in experience. Being able to name the gap, rather than letting it become resentment, gives the friendship a better chance of adapting.
The Value of Finding Your Perimenopause People
There is something genuinely powerful about connecting with other women who are in or have been through perimenopause. Online communities, local groups, or simply a friend who is at the same stage can provide a sense of being understood that is hard to replicate. Sharing symptoms, comparing notes, and laughing about the absurdity of the experience all reduce isolation. Many women describe these connections as among the most meaningful they have developed in midlife.
Friendships You Have Outgrown
Perimenopause sometimes brings into focus friendships that have been feeling hollow for a while. The reduced patience for conflict, performance, or one-sidedness that often comes with this stage can make it harder to keep investing in relationships that consistently deplete rather than replenish you. Letting a friendship fade is not always a failure. Sometimes it is an honest acknowledgment that both people have changed and the connection no longer serves either of you.
Investing in the Friendships That Matter
The flip side of the filtering process is that perimenopause can deepen the friendships that are genuinely good. When you stop spreading yourself across too many social obligations, you have more to give to the relationships that actually matter. Small, consistent gestures, a regular walk, a check-in message, an honest conversation, build the kind of friendship that weathers the harder years. If you have friendships worth investing in, perimenopause is a good time to do it with more intention than ever.
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