Making New Friends During Perimenopause
Feeling like friendships have drifted? Making new friends during perimenopause is possible and often more rewarding than it was in earlier life. Here is how.
Friendship in midlife: why it gets complicated
Many women arrive at perimenopause having let friendships quietly thin out. The years of building careers and raising children often shrink the social world, and by the time those demands ease, some women find their close circle smaller than they would like. Perimenopause itself can accelerate this drift. Fatigue and low mood can make socialising feel like too much effort. Social anxiety, which often increases during this hormonal phase, can make reaching out feel harder than it once did. But research consistently shows that strong social connections protect both mental and physical health, and midlife is a particularly valuable time to invest in them.
What actually works for meeting new people
The activities that work best for making new friends in midlife are ones that involve repeated, low-pressure contact over time. A weekly exercise class, a book club, a volunteering role, or a regular hobby group all create the kind of gradual, repeated interaction that friendships tend to develop from. The expectation is not that you will immediately click with everyone there. It is that regularity and shared activity create the conditions for connection to develop naturally. Many friendships that feel deep and established began as a nodded hello at a class that slowly became a coffee afterwards.
Managing the energy barrier
One of the most honest challenges of making new friends during perimenopause is energy. On days when fatigue is significant, the prospect of going somewhere new to meet strangers can feel genuinely beyond reach. It helps to choose activities with a lower energy ceiling, something you would do anyway for your own wellbeing, so that showing up is not purely a social effort but also something that serves you directly. A gentle yoga class, a park walking group, or a craft session you enjoy regardless of the company all fit that description. You get the activity benefit whether or not a friendship develops, which removes some of the pressure.
Being the one who initiates
In midlife, everyone is busy and most people are slightly guarded about their time. That means new friendships often require one person to take the initiative of suggesting something more than the shared activity. This is uncomfortable for many women, who may worry about seeming too keen or misjudging whether the other person is interested. But in practice, most people are genuinely pleased when someone shows interest. A simple suggestion of coffee or a walk is a low-risk proposition. Rejection is rare, and even a declined invitation often comes with a warmth that keeps the door open for a future one.
Online and app-based communities
Digital communities can serve as genuine starting points for friendship, particularly during phases of perimenopause when leaving the house is harder. Online groups focused on perimenopause, fitness, creative hobbies, or local interests bring together people who already share something meaningful. A connection that starts in a forum or a group chat can progress to in-person coffee in the same way that a shared class can. Many women find that the shared experience of perimenopause specifically creates a rapid bond that takes longer to develop in other contexts. Talking openly about symptoms with someone who immediately understands is a different kind of intimacy from small talk.
Letting older friendships evolve
Not all new friendships need to be with new people. Some of the most valuable social investments during perimenopause involve deepening relationships that already exist but have stayed at a surface level. A colleague you have always liked but never spent time with outside work, or a neighbour who has been friendly but distant, can sometimes become a genuine friend if given the opportunity. Many women find that talking honestly about perimenopause with someone they have known at a surface level for years creates an unexpected bond. Shared vulnerability, offered carefully and at the right moment, is one of the fastest ways to deepen a connection.
Friendship as a health investment
It is worth framing the effort of making new friends not just as a social nicety but as something that directly supports your health during perimenopause. Loneliness and social isolation are consistently associated with worse health outcomes, including worse experiences of chronic conditions and lower emotional resilience. Social connection, on the other hand, buffers stress, improves sleep, and supports mood regulation. During a hormonal transition that can challenge all of those things, having people around you who know and care about you is not a luxury. Tracking your own mood patterns over time, which apps like PeriPlan make easier, can also help you notice whether social contact has a measurable effect on how you feel.
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