Perimenopause Taught Me to Say Yes to Myself

There was a dance class at the community center and I wanted to take it. But I said no. I did not have time. I had too much to do. My kids needed me. My work needed me. I did not have time for myself. That had been my response to every opportunity for years. No. Not now. Maybe later. Later never came. Then perimenopause hit and I realized that all of these moments I had been saying no to were gone. All the time I thought I would have later never materialized. All the things I wanted to do but kept putting off were just not happening. I was approaching the end of my life with a list of things I had never done. That realization was shocking. So I signed up for the dance class. And I said yes to other things too. I said yes to a weekend trip with friends. I said yes to learning something new. I said yes to me. It took perimenopause to teach me how to do that.

How I got here

I had always been practical. I had always prioritized responsibility. My needs came last. I took care of everyone else first and then if there was time and energy left, I might do something for myself. But there was never time and energy left. There was always something more important. So I never did the things I wanted to do. I never took the classes. I never went on the trips. I never tried the new things. I told myself I would do them later. I told myself I did not deserve to prioritize myself. I told myself that being a good person meant sacrificing my own desires. And then I hit perimenopause and I realized how much time I had wasted on things that did not matter while denying myself the things that would have brought me joy.

What I actually did

I started saying yes to myself. The dance class was the first thing. I signed up and I went every week. I was terrible at it. I had no rhythm. I felt embarrassed. But I kept going because I was saying yes to something I wanted. Then a friend invited me to go away for a weekend and instead of saying no because I was too busy, I said yes. I made arrangements. I went. I had fun. That one weekend away made me realize how much I was missing by always saying no. I started saying yes to small things too. Yes to sleeping in on weekends. Yes to reading a book instead of doing laundry. Yes to taking a bath instead of rushing. Yes to taking a class I was interested in. Yes to trying something new. Yes to doing things for me. At first it felt selfish. At first I felt guilty. But then I realized that saying yes to myself made me a better person. I was happier. I was more present. I was less resentful. I was actually enjoying my life. For years, I had been the person who said yes to everyone else. Yes to extra projects at work, yes to helping friends, yes to being the reliable one, yes to putting everyone else's needs before my own. It had become such a habit that I had stopped thinking of it as a choice. It was just who I was. I was the dependable one. The capable one. The one who never let anyone down. But by the time perimenopause arrived, I was empty. I was running on fumes. I had nothing left to give because I had spent years giving everything away. My body finally rebelled. My symptoms were so intense that I could not maintain the old patterns anymore. I was forced to slow down. I was forced to rest. I was forced to say no. At first, it felt like failure. It felt selfish. It felt wrong.

What actually changed

My whole perspective on what I deserved changed. I went from believing that I had to earn the right to do things for myself by completing all my responsibilities first to believing that I deserve to do things for myself because my happiness matters. I went from putting myself last to including myself in my priority list. I went from thinking that perimenopause was taking things away from me to realizing that perimenopause was actually giving me something. It was giving me permission to prioritize myself. It was giving me the urgency to finally do the things I had always wanted to do. It was teaching me that life is finite and I should not waste it on postponing joy. Learning to say yes to myself was harder than I expected. It felt selfish. It felt irresponsible. It felt like I was letting people down. But something had shifted. I realized that I had spent decades letting myself down in order not to disappoint anyone else. I had sacrificed my own needs and desires for everyone else's benefit. And what had I gotten for it? I was empty and sick. My body was in rebellion. My mind was struggling. I could not keep going the way I had been. So I made a choice. I chose myself. I said no to extra projects at work. I said no to helping friends with their problems when I could not even manage my own. I said no to being available 24/7. I said no to the old patterns. And I said yes to sleep. Yes to rest. Yes to things that brought me joy. Yes to taking care of myself.

What my routine looks like now

I say yes to myself regularly. Dance class is still part of my routine. I also have a book club, a painting class, and regular coffee dates with friends. I track what brings me joy using PeriPlan and I make sure I am doing those things regularly. I sleep in when I want to. I do things for pleasure, not just for productivity. I have stopped feeling guilty about taking time for myself. I have accepted that prioritizing myself actually makes me a better partner, a better parent, a better friend. I show up better for the people I care about when I have fed my own soul. This shift did not happen overnight. There was a lot of guilt along the way. There was a lot of fear that I was being selfish. There was a lot of shame about not being the person I had always been. But slowly, I realized something. By taking care of myself, I was actually better able to show up for the people I loved. I was less resentful. I was less irritable. I was more present. My relationship with my partner improved because I was not running on empty anymore. My relationship with my kids improved because I was calmer. My work relationships improved because I was not spreading myself so thin that I was ineffective. Saying yes to myself was not selfish. It was the foundation for everything else. It was necessary. Learning to say yes to myself during perimenopause taught me that my needs matter. That my wellbeing is important. That I deserve care and kindness, especially from myself. That lesson has stayed with me and changed how I live.

If perimenopause is making you reevaluate your life, lean into that. What have you been saying no to? What would bring you joy? Say yes to it. Do not wait for a better time. Do not wait until you have earned it. Perimenopause is telling you that time is precious. Say yes to yourself now.

This content is for informational purposes only and does not replace medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider about your specific situation.