Perimenopause Taught Me to Stop Comparing Myself to Other Women

I was watching another woman in perimenopause and she seemed to be handling it so well. No complaints. No visible symptoms. No struggles. I was miserable and she was fine. I was angry and jealous. Why was she having such an easy time when I was struggling so much. Then one day she broke down and told me how much she was actually struggling. She was just not showing it. She was managing her symptoms in private. Everyone was struggling. I was just comparing my inside struggles to other people's outside appearance. Once I realized that, everything changed. I stopped comparing myself to other women. I stopped judging my perimenopause experience against theirs. I stopped feeling like I was doing it wrong.

How I got here

I had always been a comparer. I compared myself to other women my age. I compared my perimenopause experience to theirs. Some women seemed to be handling it fine. Some women barely mentioned it. Some women seemed unbothered. I watched them and I felt envious. I felt like they were doing it better than me. I felt like I was failing at perimenopause while they were succeeding. I was looking at their external appearance and assuming that meant they were not struggling. It did not occur to me that they might be struggling privately. It did not occur to me that everyone's perimenopause experience is different. It did not occur to me that comparison was making me feel worse about my own experience.

What I actually did

I stopped comparing. I unfollowed people on social media who were making me feel bad about my own perimenopause. I stopped asking other women how they were handling their symptoms because their answers just made me feel worse. I stopped judging my experience against theirs. I stopped thinking that there was a right way or a wrong way to do perimenopause. I focused on my own experience. How was I feeling. What did I need. What was working for me. What was not working. I started talking to people I trusted about my real experience instead of performing for people online or pretending I was doing fine when I was not. I stopped hiding my struggle. I stopped comparing myself to women who looked like they had it all together.

What actually changed

My perimenopause experience became about me instead of about how I looked compared to other women. I stopped measuring my success by whether I looked like I was handling it well to the outside world. I started measuring my success by whether I was taking care of myself and managing my symptoms as best I could. I also started talking more openly about my struggles and I realized that other women were grateful when I broke the silence. They were relieved to know that someone else was struggling too. When I stopped comparing, I gave other women permission to stop pretending.

What my routine looks like now

I do not compare my perimenopause experience to other women's experiences. I focus on my own experience. What helps me. What does not help me. I talk openly about my struggles instead of pretending to have it all together. I listen to other women's experiences without comparing them to mine. I celebrate women who are handling it well and I support women who are struggling. I use PeriPlan to track my own experience instead of comparing it to other people's experiences. Everyone's perimenopause is different and that is okay.

If you are comparing your perimenopause experience to other women's, I want you to know that you do not know what they are really struggling with. You see their outside appearance but you do not see their inside struggle. Everyone is struggling in some way. Stop comparing. Focus on your own experience. Take care of yourself. That is enough.